Loss of a Loved One – Is Prayer the Answer?

I’ve started to write this post several times but have stopped each time. However, I’m compelled to finish it today.

I lost my best friend on May 18, 2017, to suicide. It was hands down, the absolute worst day of my life so far. I’ve lost loved ones to old age, illness, or accidents but no one that was so integrated into my life. We spent 40 hours a week together at work plus after hours at night and on weekends. Additionally, we raised our kids together and vacationed together. She was my cheerleader and my confidant. I’ve never experienced a loss like this! Nothing has shaken me this hard.  

My husband has been amazing. After six months, I couldn’t believe I was still so sad. He’d say things like It’s okay, This takes time, Stay in bed, I’ve got this, and I did! There were many days I just couldn’t do life. I will never truly be able to express how much his support has meant to me or how much I needed that. I thank God every day for him.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted Matthew 5:4

I found myself praying a lot and asking God what the purpose of this was! Why did this happen? I just wanted her back! I may never know the answer. But what I do know is God is an awesome God. There have been many days that I felt an overwhelming sense of peace. At first, I found it strange, but I know He was there on those days. I could feel His closeness, like comforting arms around me.

The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. Psalm 145:18

My best friend was fired from her job then committed suicide three days later. Some employees complained that she was a “mean” boss and others even lied saying she did something that was not true. I’ve prayed many times for these people. I was angry and didn’t want to pray for them. I wanted them to suffer. Then I heard a sermon that hit home about forgiveness and prayer. I still get angry with these people and when I do, I pray for them. My prayer is that their hearts are softened and I pray that they find peace.  As crazy as it sounds, this helps me. I pray that they are blessed

Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you. Luke 6 27:29 

I also pray for my best friend’s daughter. I know it will take everything she has to move forward. It’s taken a lot for me, so I can only imagine what is required of her.  I pray every day that her grief is a little less than the day before. My grief has been horrible, and I know that my pain doesn’t compare to hers.

I pray for anyone that has hurt me, hurt her or her family intentionally or unintentionally.

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

I know my prayers will be answered because He is listening.

And I also know, losing my best friend has brought my family closer together. While I still mourn for her every day and am saddened that she is not spending time with her family, I am thankful that I have mine. Losing her has made me realize how precious each day is. We are not guaranteed tomorrow, and I am trying to take full advantage of the time we do have. Nothing is more important than family.   

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit Psalm 34:18

The first year was the worse. Sadness would hit me unexpectedly, out of nowhere, driving down the road, watching tv, hearing a song, cooking dinner. It didn’t matter when or where. My grief would just roar its ugly head and let me tell you…it was ugly! Sometimes debilitating. My dear husband would just reach over and hold my hand. No words necessary. It’s such a relief that he’s given me permission to grieve without a time limit. There’s no judgment. No “get over it already”. Just support.

If you are sad and grieving, it’s okay! Don’t push it away. Feel it. Let it come. Prolonging it will delay the healing process. Remember, there is no time limit. Grieving is different for each person.

I’m not sure what the reason is for Him taking my friend, but I do know this has allowed me to love more, appreciate more, and look at life differently. The material things I thought were important, aren’t. It’s the relationships that count.  

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. Revelation 21:4

My grief is better. I don’t remember the last time I stayed in bed all day. I think of my friend all the time. Rarely is there a day that goes by that I don’t wish I could call her, ask her for advice, share a funny story, or let her know what my kids are doing. She was so proud of them.

Depression sucks!! Mental illness is a beast! My friend struggled with depression from time to time and I knew she was struggling the last year, but I didn’t know how bad it was. She hid it well, even from me, her best friend. Our lives were going in different directions. My daughter was in club sports and her daughter had a new baby. She’d make excuses and backed out of plans, and I dismissed it. I should have confronted her. If you suspect that someone is struggling, talk to them. Don’t let it go.

Above all, I pray that anyone that is going through something like this has a support system as I do. If you don’t find someone to talk to. Reach out to your Pastor or a counselor or even me. And Pray! I guarantee you will find comfort.

If you find yourself in a place of deep depression, feeling hopeless, or thoughts of suicide, contact a professional immediately. 

Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-8255

Grief Recovery Hotline 1-800-445-4808